106. Traditions should mean something

When I was a child, I anxiously greeted each holiday season by looking forward to my much loved television specials. Probably even unbeknownst to my Mom, I would wait for the television guide so that I could note the schedule of my favorites, such as "Frosty the Snowman" and "Rudolf the Red-Nose Reindeer." I had seen each of these shows several times, but in the spirit of the holiday tradition, I could not be more excited to see them again.

Families around the holidays usually have several traditions, whether it is where they visit (Grandma's house), when they visit (Christmas Eve or Christmas Day) what they eat (turkey, pie), or what they do (play games, sing songs by the piano or engage in a fun game of co-ed football). Family traditions usually originate subtly through a couple of innocent repetitive occurrences, after which they become something that is looked forward to.

I think time with the family is one of the best ways to spend the holidays, where you have a chance to be yourself with the people that know you the best. You can fool a lot of people at work, or in other social circles, but rarely can you fool your family. In seeing you at your best and your worst, your family knows the "real" you. Their love is most sincere, and perhaps, most importantly, your family will usually forgive you for your mistakes when others will not. They have seen you all of their lives, and ultimately, you are one of them.

Your family will also know when you do not want to be there; when you are simply going through the motions- only because it is holiday tradition. Holiday traditions, regardless of what they are, should be fun- not a chore. They should not remain a tradition just because they are tradition. In other words, just because you have done something the same way every year does not mean that it needs to be done the same way every year.

For example, for several years my family has played one of the gift exchange games. However, a couple of years ago, there grew an uncomfortable feeling when, at the traditional moment, everyone just stopped and waited for the game. Furthermore, the game became repetitive...the same small gifts were being purchased; people were saying the same thing at the same time in the game. To keep the tradition alive, we attempted to "bar" some of the more popular gifts that were being purchased each year- to inspire some creativity. Finally last year and again this year, we have significantly altered the game and completely rewritten the rules.

Traditions are largely a "script" of how the thing is to be played out. Often families, after years of doing the same thing every year, simply follow the script. Just following the script, can not only become boring, it can become void of emotion. Ironically, not following the script can lead to considerable unrest, when one family member dares his or her own rewrite.

So go holiday traditions, an ideology that I consider and reconsider each year (perhaps that is now my tradition). I think traditions are wonderful to the extent that they still provide the excitement and joy of what each activity originally meant when it became a tradition. However, too many traditions can lead to problems when families expand and the now "traditional responsibilities" become overwhelming in the attempt to satisfy all of them. Tradition is also rich in repetitiveness- that is, doing the same thing over and over. And sometimes, the activities become about living the traditions, not about enjoying the moment.

In worst case scenarios, the holidays become a self-imposed guilt trip, in which some families scurry around the state attempting to make each traditional family gathering and do those things they are supposed to do- as not to offend anyone and become the subject of a year of not-so-friendly gossip and criticism. This seems to be a burden, and one that destroys the meaning of the holidays.

Perhaps families might find new traditions exciting and fresh. For example, if the meaning of the holidays is spending time with family, does it really matter that it happens on December 24 or December 25? Is there room for new traditions, and similarly, do some traditions need to be retired? And, how about incorporating some surprises or improvisation into your "holiday plans"? We only have so many years to our lives, and I have no interest in living the same year over and over. There is too much in this world to be enjoyed and experienced, and the only traditions I think worth keeping are the ones you truly look forward to.

105. Trying times call for serious people

I recently had knee surgery. Like most people, I took great interest in both the physician that recommended it and the surgeon that performed the surgery. I wanted to be sure that they had a medical degree and a fair amount of experience. It turns out that my surgeon spends considerable time working with the Cleveland Indians and other professional teams. My comfort was the result of the realization that he often works on very "valuable" knees, at least compared to mine.

But to continue, I'll soon need physical therapy, in which case I will refer myself to a licensed physical therapist. Beyond my knee though, if I need a dentist, I want a dentist that has graduated from dental school. If a family member needs a nursing facility, I will select one that has degreed, licensed and experienced nurses, social workers and administrators. My interest in personal welfare is not limited to doctors. When I have my taxes filed, I want someone certified in preparing taxes. When my car breaks, I want a certified mechanic. The trend is obvious, when it comes to the things that matter; I want people who are educated, licensed and experienced in their selected professions.

We just experienced another election season, and I am always surprised at some of the people that are elected and those that are not elected. Unfortunately, there is no educational or licensure requirement for becoming a politician. Nor is there a requisite of experience. As most of us know, becoming a politician is about connections, money and political strategy (often, "how low will you go"). It is a con-man's game, convincing people that you, as a politician, will objectively make decisions- independent of the influence of those people whose money put you in power.

We have seen people barely eighteen years old elected- in addition to those uneducated and inexperienced beyond a high school diploma and coaching little league baseball. We have also seen former criminals elected. To be fair, leaders, even great leaders, come in all dimensions, including the young, uneducated and inexperienced, but I wonder on what criteria they are then being elected.

There are no requirements for our political leaders, those people who are responsible for much of our lives. They are not required to have a degree in political science, business or law- let alone a high school diploma. There is no licensure program that teaches or provides experience in economic systems, labor laws, philosophy, negotiation, organizational management, ethics, public administration, crime and punishment, science and the environment, healthcare systems, administrative law, public accounting or decision modeling. Rarely is there a demonstrated criterion of leadership or experience.

Personally, I prefer a candidate with a diversity of experience and interest. I am not attracted to anyone that has done the same thing for forty years, without significant consequence. I want people who have experienced what I have experienced, and have an interest in the things I have an interest in. I want people that have endured trying circumstances, such as a job loss or living without medical insurance. I want someone that has donated his or her time to community service; someone who has been on the frontline of non-profit organizations and philanthropy. I want someone who understands both sides of an issue; someone who can reconcile business with the environment, and unions with management. Finally, I want someone old enough to have experience how difficult life can be, regardless of how talented a younger individual might be.

This year, one mayor-elect actually listed coaching CYO Volleyball on his Circum Vitae. How desperate must one be that coaching volleyball is perceived as a demonstrated value in leadership, community activity or volunteer work? This particular candidate promotes "safety," by driving drug dealers out of town and reclaiming our neighborhoods from criminals. This exhibition in brilliance might warrant a few follow-up questions, such as...how are you going to do it? Is it feasible? By what standard will you measure success- the number of arrests or a decrease in crime rates? How is crime related to education and drop-out rates figures? What about the economic situation and unemployment, is that contributing to the high crime rates? Is it a socio-economic, cultural, racial or criminal justice issue? If the city needs more police officers on duty, how will you pay for it? Will you raise taxes on an already-depressed region? Or will you cut other services that citizen taxes currently pay for? How will you decide which services are cut and which are not? What will you do if city council does not cooperate?

Politics is not easy, and it is not for everyone. Many of the issues are endlessly intertwined and it takes a multitude of talent, education and experience to work through them. No longer should political races be popularity contests. Or about who can raise the most money. Politicians influence our lives and society no less than people in other professions, of which we require degrees, licenses and proven experience. It is time to take a comprehensive interest in those which we elect to represent us. And, it is time to expect more from our leaders- for if they are not performing to our expectations, we only have ourselves to blame. We review their résumés and conduct their interviews. And, ultimately, we decide whom to hire.

103. Consider true cost of your decisions

In business, the idea of opportunity costs is fairly simple. Businesses will attempt to maximize profits by choosing the product it manufactures in relation to every other product it could produce. For example, companies may realize they can produce, with similar costs, either 100 units of product A or 150 units of profit B. Or, of course, it could produce 50 units of product A and 100 units of product B. Regardless, through decision modeling, companies will decide what to produce to maximize profits at the expense of everything else it could produce.

The concept is not often applied to life, though it is just as applicable. Although I have previously commented to this fact, it warrants another look.

I have a friend who cleans stuff- obsessively. He washes his car, garage, driveway, and windows on a weekly basis. Rarely does a weekend pass when he is not out cleaning something. It is obvious that not only does he takes exceptional care of his things, but that he also makes me look so bad in the process. I am sure his wife has a lot of jealous neighbors.

The thing is, however, is that even if I had time to attend to my possessions in such a manner, I would not. It is not that I do not appreciate well-cared for things; rather it is the idea of opportunity cost. No matter how much time I had, I would not spend my free time cleaning at the expense of everything else I could possibly be doing. It is not that I do not value cleaning stuff, and in fact I do it when it becomes a necessity. It is, however, the idea that I could be doing something else that prohibits me from such a weekly undertaking.

I am not suggesting that he is wasting his time, because it is his time to value and proportion as he sees fit. But he could be, for example, serving on a non-profit board, reading a good book, taking his dog for a walk, visiting his family, taking a class or playing softball. The possibilities are seemingly endless, except for, perhaps, financial constraints. Obviously, traveling to Europe every weekend is not affordable for most people, and thus not a true opportunity costs.

I will suggest however, that people do not often consider everything they do as a matter of opportunity costs. We tend to get stuck in ruts, doing what we are accustomed to doing rather than considering the innumerable options that are available. I would wager, for example, if my friend would consider everything else he is giving up washing his car each weekend, he would, occasionally, make a different decision. That is not to say that I could not be wrong, maybe he would choose washing his car over every other option. But I know that most of us tend to like routine; we operate best when we are not constantly considering everything we are doing at the expense of every other thing we could be doing.

Besides the decision-making burden in considering opportunity costs, people tend to stay within their comfort zone. For example, I have known a few people who take essentially the same vacation every year. Often they even take it the same week of every year. Again, I wondered if they consciously considered every other vacation they could take, at every other time of the year, and decided that, again, this is the vacation for them.

One of the problems with the consideration of opportunity costs is that it could be quite time-consuming and cumbersome to consider every other possibility. Imagine if every weekend we awoke to seriously consider everything we could be doing. The guilt alone might be overwhelming; for example, should I visit my mom, play with my dogs, visit people in a nursing home, feed the homeless, or volunteer at a non-profit organization. It could become difficult to rationale between my personal desires and needs, and the goodwill I could share. Yet, this decision is real.

For each of us, this consideration will be different. For the stressed, it might be a relaxing walk in the park, a good book, a romantic movie or an exciting ball game. For the fortunate, it might be time at a homeless shelter, visiting a nursing home or contributing to a philanthropic organization. For the overworked, it might be time with the family or having lunch with an old friend. For the unhealthy, it might be time at the gym, taking a bike ride or playing tennis. There is a multitude of variables that would influence the opportunity cost of any day or time.

In my opinion, the issue deserves balance. We have to consider our familial responsibilities and obligations, personal desires and potential, and the prospect for altruism. Life can be overwhelming, and often we have a never-ending "to do" list that manages our free time. And, certainly, it would be difficult to argue against those interests that serve one's family. However, I think most of us should, at least from time to time, consider the opportunity costs of our routines. The consideration of opportunity costs may bring to life many new ideas and experiences. Routines have their place, but they can be dangerous. They can remove years from your lives, leaving you to consider...what could have been.

104. American dream not for everyone

32 percent of African-American males, essentially one in three, will spend time in jail during their lives. It is one of those statistics that does not lie; one that makes you realize that there is a societal issue, beyond excuses and stereotypes, which needs to be addressed. Incarceration at such an alarming rate is a reflection of the quality of education, scope of opportunity and sense of value that exists within this culture. The problem is so intense and so costly- both financially and socially- that the blame can be found in every segment of American society. From political representation and socioeconomic influence to the number of positive role models, African-Americans are clearly handicapped in succeeding in American society. It is difficult to live the "American Dream," when, statistically, the odds as an African American, are such that you, your father, or your brother will spend time in jail (for comparison, 5.9% of white males will spend time in jail). As a society, the problem is unacceptable.

Is racism a factor? Consider the following report from the Drug Policy Alliance:

"Although African Americans comprise only 12.2 percent of the population and 13 percent of drug users, they make up 38 percent of those arrested for drug offenses and 59 percent of those convicted of drug offenses causing critics to call the war on drugs the "New Jim Crow." The higher arrest rates for African Americans and Latinos do not reflect a higher abuse rate in these communities but rather a law enforcement emphasis on inner city areas where drug use and sales are more likely to take place in open-air drug markets where treatment resources are scarce."

Certainly, as this research might indicate, racism is still a factor, but I do not think that it tells the whole story. The story includes a reflection of history, opportunity and the current culture.

I recently visited the National Underground Railroad Freedom Center in Cincinnati. The museum detailed both the drudgery and immorality of slavery, and the path to freedom. African-American history is difficult to completely comprehend, as the details are nearly unbearable to consider. The center had a slave pen, which was used as a holding cell in the transportation of slaves to auction blocks.

Slavery, for white Americans, was as much an economic institute as it was a racist issue. In addition to the slave labor which made plantation owners wealthy, the slave trade was a very profitable industry. The slave pen was owned by Captain John Anderson, who kept detailed financial records of the slaves that were purchased and sold. In today's money, he made around $800,000 per year selling men, women and children into slavery. The men were chained to the second floor of the building until the market conditions dictated the walk to Mississippi or Louisiana. The journey was made shoeless across the treacherous terrain with their hands and feet in shackles.

Unfortunately the journey out of slavery, and shackles, now leads to prison bars for many African-Americans. Racism is a factor, but so are opportunity and aspiration. One of the museum tour guides, who was engaged with a young African-American group, emphasized the need for responsibility. He outlined the road to success, emphatically suggesting that goals and expectations include educational achievement such as Harvard Law School or an MBA from the Wharton School of Business.

Opportunity needs to include a well-funded high school education and preparation for secondary education. Families need decent wages, fair hiring and promotions, and continuous employment. They also need financial literacy and to delay starting a family until there is a measure of financial security. Finally there needs to be pride and respect within their neighborhoods. African-American role models must communicate realistic goals and proven methods for success. To simply say that "anything is possible" is misleading when everyone wants to be a professional athlete or entertainer. The message should be to follow your dream, but have a backup plan or two. The path may be difficult, and one can accept that challenge by being prepared "for anything."

Society and African-American culture are both equally responsible for creating and taking advantage of the opportunities afforded to all Americans. Aspiration and opportunity must converge at a point that furthers the economic and social advancement of African-Americans. If nearly one-third of any demographic is going to prison, then there needs to be an assessment of both that population, and the society in which it dwells. The emancipation proclamation did not free all the slaves (the Thirteenth Amendment did), and it certainly did not create all people equal. The racism that ensued denied equal rights and opportunity to African-Americans until, essentially, the Civil Rights Act of 1964. However, even today, freedom is a struggle.

It is time to move forward toward a complete and fair assimilation. We need to understand the problem and work ourselves backward toward a solution. Because, ultimately, it is not an African-American problem, it is an American problem.